On Monday, Oct. 24, 2011 my Grandma Leah passed away after a stroke. She was my dad's mom, and although we didn't want to say goodbye to her, we were glad she didn't have to suffer. I am putting two tributes to my Grandma in this post, because I want my children to remember the remarkable woman that their great grandma was, and because they can say it so much better than me! The first one is from my Uncle JR Bylund (grandma's son in law, and he gave this address at her funeral. The second one is from my dad's cousin Janice Stauffer. She is on a mission with her husband in New Zealand, and wrote this beautiful tribute on her blog.
Five Lessons From the Life of Leah by JR Bylund
If Leah were standing beside me right now and giving me advice, I think she would say three things. First, she would be glad I am not singing. Second, she would say, "don't be a big boob." and third, she would counsel me to say what I feel. I will try to do just that.
As I reflect upon and celebrate the life of Leah Holmstead, I realize just how significantly she impacted the lives of people. She was truly a unique individual. I learned some very important life lessons from Leah that have made me a better person. As her family has gotten together over the course of the last week, a lot of Leah Wisdom has been remembered.
While there are many things that could be learned from Leah, I would like to take a few moments and reflect on five of the lessons the family has learned from the life of Leah.
1 - Love Everyone
One of the many remarkable things about Leah Holmstead that I will always remember is her ability to love everyone. Like many people, I was comfortable with Leah from the first time I met her. After I had the opportunity to be around her for a while, I came to understand the reason I was comfortable with Leah is that she genuinely loved me for me. She asked about what I was doing. She offered ideas and suggestions about things I might find interesting. She did things for me that showed she cared.
Leah came to one of my swimming meets. When she saw me in a Speedo, she immediately made one of those old fashioned swim suits with arms and legs.
When we moved to Indiana for school, Hap and Leah helped us move.
She made curtains for our student housing apartment and put pennies in the bottoms to hold them down. She told us the pennies would double as an emergency fund.
Now, I am not unique in these experiences. Far from it. Leah loved everyone.
She would take dinner to a widower...every night for 4 - 5 years.
She wrote to her missionaries and other family members who needed it... every week.
Leah comforted the sick.
Leah mourned with those who mourn, and gave comfort to those in need of comfort.
Leah recognized the worth of the individual and she reached out to them. "In as much as ye have done it unto the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me."
Leah left a legacy for each of us to follow that says, "Love the Lord they god with all thy heart, might, mind and strength. And love thy neighbor as thyself."
2 - Keep your sense of humor
Leah's sense of humor was a genuine pleasure. The glass has always been half full in Leah's eyes, and a spoonful of sugar helped the medicine go down.
One need only sit down and fish or watch a Jazz game with Grandma to learn what kind of person she was.
While fishing with her, you'd find out that she was a chemist, a fisheries biologist, and an entrepreneur: “Now the secret is that you have to spit on the Powerbait so the fish'll know it's not a trick. They should pay me for this stuff.”
While watching Jazz games, you'd discover that:
She was a feminist: “I don't know what they were thinking when they put women officials in charge. Talk about dumb.”
She was a capitalist: “If I could buy Kobe Bryant for what he's really worth and sell him for what he thinks he's worth, I'd be a rich woman.”
She was a comrade: “They must have been doing something right over in Russia to produce Andrei Kirelenko.”
She was not a comrade: “Boy they sure missed the boat on that Andrei Kirelenko, he couldn't throw it into the ocean.”
She was an orthopedist: “Mark Jackson has one arm that's longer than the other because he's always patting himself on the back.”
She was a mentalist...or at least she was in charge of one: “Hap, put a hex on this guy so that he'll miss his foul pitches.”
She was a psychologist: “Boy that Karl Malone sure likes to beller.”
3 - Keep your Priorities straight
There are a lot of distractions in the world that can lead to misaligned priorities. Leah didn't seem to be susceptible to these distractions. Leah had one overarching priority which was her family.
Leah's definition of family goes something like this. Hap and her kids, the Johnsons and their kids, the in-laws, the grandkids, her friends and all friends of any of the above. Her definition of family is reminiscent of the parable of the good Samaritan when the Lord asks who is thy neighbor. I could well hear the question to be who is thy family? Leah's definition responds to the spirit of that question.
Grandma's marriage to Grandpa was a testament of longevity, fidelity, and love. Over the years, when both held various responsibilities at the local and state level, they found a way to be together, never apart for very long. He was the harmony to her melody, never a discordant note, and when he passed away that melody was oftentimes a lonesome one. They spent summers fishing together and winters watching the Jazz in a harmonious blend of Grandma talking and Grandpa commenting only when she got too far off the beaten path. She was generous of her time and resources, and as her grandchildren went on missions, she never missed a week writing to them. Sometimes hers was the only letter in the mailbox and it always helped you to get through.
Leah prioritized people. She was generous with time, praise, food, attention, money, thank-yous, advice, and expertise. She wasn't afraid to give cooking advice to a chef, medical advice to a doctor, money advice to a banker, child psychology advice to a teacher, coaching strategy advice to anyone who would listen, and gospel advice to a general authority (Paul).
I found it interesting that the only priority money had to Leah was in the context of giving it to someone who she viewed needed it more than she did. And if she decided a grandchild or anybody else needed a little gas money, food storage money, a missionary assist or some help with some other need, she would do what she could to help them out. I didn't hear much about this type of investing in business school, but in the final analysis, I have learned a lot from Leah's investment strategy.
President Monson is fond of this poem that reflects well Leah's bias for prioritizing people.
I have wept in the night
for the shortness of sight
That to somebody's need made me blind
But I never have yet
felt a tinge of regret
For being a little too kind.
4 - Do What's Right
One of the things I most admire about Leah is her undeviating commitment to do what's right. Leah recognized the covenants she had made and met her commitments with exactness. She did not struggle with issues at the margin, simply because Leah chose to spend no time at the margin. Leah had no need to venture into the rough.
Leah did what was right, not because it was a commandment, but because it was right. It permeated her life and was reflected in her actions.
It was right to support missionaries and other folks by sending them packages. Leah made the strongest shipping boxes ever delivered by the USPS with nothing more than standard cardboard and packing tape. Lots of tape.
She could make a bandage or sling out of a sock or dish rag faster than you could say I am hurt.
She included people in the group.
She served in the church where called.
She sang in the choir.
She did her genealogy with unflagging zeal.
She loved her husband with unceasing devotion.
It was right to sort the puzzle pieces by color and put them on cookie sheets and to have a clean house and even cleaner laundry.
It was right to turn down the sound on the television while watching the Jazz and listen to Hot Rod Hundley on the radio because the TV announcers liked the other team.
She was seemingly untempted by the things of the world, and fully enthusiastic about her family and their well being.
5 - Believe
Leah believed. She had faith. She knew things would work out, and they did. She believed the best in people and expected that out of them.
She believed the Jazz would win.
She believed genealogy needed to be done.
She believed homemade bread was good for the heart and soul.
She believed strawberry rummy would keep your mind sharp.
She believed missionaries needed letters and packages.
She believed you could go on a trip in a camper and still sleep in a hotel room.
She believed powerbait was better if you spit on it just a little bit and worms needed to be kept warm.
She believed the fish were biting.
She believed in the next cast.
She believed vegetables were over-rated and bananas needed a little black on the peel.
She believed that if you asked for your filet-o-fish without cheese, you would get a fresh sandwich because they would have to make it from scratch.
I think all of us probably stand a little bit straighter as the winds of adversity blow because we know that Leah believed in us. And her faith in God has made our faith in God a bit stronger, because we believed in Leah.
In Timothy Chapter 4:7 it says, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith."
Leah kept the faith and finished her course.
Janice Stauffer:
When Auntie Leah’s son Lee emailed me about his mother’s stroke, he said that there would be a position of power open when I got back. I don’t know of anyone who can fill her shoes. We are all mewling children compared to this powerhouse of a woman. We will all miss you Auntie Leah.
I have been reading ‘The Wind in the Willows’. In Kenneth Grahame’s book, Mole, becoming bored with his life, leaves his home to spend time with Water Rat in a more exciting world. While on a particular adventure, they come within sniffing range of Mole’s old home. At first he didn’t understand the smell that affected him as an electric shot. “Home! That was what they meant, those caressing appeals, those soft touches wafted through the air, those invisible little hands pulling and tugging, all one way!…it was sending out its scouts and its messengers to capture him and bring him in…The home…wanted him back, and was telling him so, through his nose, sorrowfully, reproachfully, but with no bitterness or anger; only with plaintive reminder that it was there, and wanted him.”
Mole could feel a “big sob gathering, gathering, somewhere low down inside him, to leap up to the surface presently…in passionate escape”. The “wafts from his old home pleaded, whispered, conjured and finally claimed him imperiously. He dared not tarry longer within their magic circle. With a wrench that tore his very heartstrings he set his face down the road and followed submissively in the track of the Rat”.
I can feel those “caressing appeals” from home this week, and I feel a “big sob gathering” as I think of my extended family being together sharing tears, laughter, and much remembering. I’m picturing Auntie Leah’s resolute face and her fearless voice, “It’s going to be all right, honey, really it will”. And I’ll do as she would do, put my face down the road and complete the work I’ve started.
Well I will miss my grandma so much, but I will be forever a better person for having been born in her family.
